[He's frustrated with the circumstance and implication, not the action itself or Emil. Rarely Emil, even though it seemed to be just the opposite most of the time. It helps that they've moved into the discussion of the miscommunication phase, rather than the 'omg no you're wrong wtf' phase.]

...It's usually different. Just work, so it's not...anything. [Admitting it is hard, even with the warmth seeping in and the gentle rhythm of the scrubbing.] I don't think I could let anyone else do it like this.

[Feel special...but also don't make a big deal out of it because he could barely get those words out and now he wishes his body would melt into this weird soapy abyss and he'd never have to confront this shit ever again.]

...As long as you know it's a choice, it's fine. If you know I don't need weird things because...there's something wrong with me, I guess.